Have You Ever Smiled On The Outside, But Were Fighting an Emotional Battle on the Inside?
This Was Me For Most of My Life…Up Until Pretty Recently Actually…
One thing I’ve learned about myself over the years is that I can easily put on a smile even when I’m completely losing it on the inside. Can anyone relate to this?
I’m not sure if it’s necessarily a good thing. It really just means you can hide things well. But in hiding our emotions, are we really dealing with them?
Here’s what I have found after looking back at the last 30 or so years of my life:
I did not know what love was, so I did not allow love to enter into my life
I made some huge mistakes at an early age, so I self-sabotaged for years, thinking I was unworthy of anything great in life
I have done really well with helping others, but I never took the time to help myself
Anyone else know this scenario all too well?
I think more of us know this than we care to admit. I mean, I was happy in everyone else’s eyes. Only the people REALLY close to me ever saw the destructive nature I put myself through. And for what?
Looking back at the decisions I made in my 20’s and 30’s, I see now why I made those decisions. I never came to terms with why I didn’t feel worthy. I didn’t even know it was happening. I had developed these habits of suppression and denial. I just kept going about life like everything was great. But in reality, it was far from great. I had developed this fantasy world where I could live amongst others who would support my sabotaging nature. Those are the people I felt most comfortable around. Nevertheless, it’s the people who confronted my “hidden” emotions that allowed me to see it was time for a change.
If you are in a space where things seem to be getting out of hand and nothing seems to be working out for you, I challenge you to take a good hard look at yourself and see if maybe it’s something in you that isn’t allowing progression and love to occur.
Once I allowed myself to come to terms with what was going on in my head, I had an emotional release. It was the most freeing feeling. It made me realize that I didn’t have to live amongst those I was “comfortable” with. Instead, I was coming in contact with people who challenged me in every way.
Now I will admit, at first, it was not a good feeling. I didn’t want to be around people who didn’t allow me to stay where I was. I wanted to get away from them. But then I realized that I needed to be around these people. I needed to learn how to tackle things in my past head on by releasing them and using them to help others. I needed to submerge myself into the possibility that maybe, just maybe, these people were put here for a purpose. They pushed me to be a better version of myself. In turn, I began doing the same for my own coaching clients. I was using everything I was learning to help others. That made me want to work harder.
I can honestly say that I still am not completely free of self-sabotage. It takes hard work and a ton of effort to free yourself from the chains you have created your entire life. It takes effort to keep your mind from taking you back to where you were. It’s more comfortable to stay where we are. But I can attest to one thing: Freeing ourselves from our own emotional bonds is the single best feeling in the world. It not only allows us to love ourselves, but it allows us to develop long-lasting, real relationships with people who will continue to challenge us and make us want to be better versions of ourselves.
So while you may be reading this and think you could never take the first step to emotional release, I challenge you to try. Maybe it’s simply looking yourself in the mirror and telling yourself you are worthy until you actually believe it. Maybe it’s surrounding yourself with people who support you rather than those who just want to see you fail. Maybe it’s taking a good hard look at your life and truly examining where you are and why you aren’t where you want to be. I had to do all of the above…and I still do them to this day. It’s the single best things I could have done for myself - investing in me and allowing myself to break the chains I had created.